beverages pushing up our diabetes risk?

Hello everyone,

I’ve just started doing some research on blood sugar and diabetes. I did a little quiz the other day in a gym I had a promotional table at – for 20 ounces of vitamin water, coke and snapple (16 ounces) iced tea – which has the most sugar? Most people don’t realize…let me all know what you think.

8 ounces is one serving. Typical bottles are 16-20 ounces. We never drink just one serving.

What about diet? its better right?

not really aspartame has been associated with many different health problems from headaches to fatigue, but aspartame is hardly the problem…diet coke – whether its caffeine free or not has phospohoric acid in it – part of the “cola” and this substance competes for calcium in the bones. Drinking diet coke can actually increase your changes of osteoporosis and throw off the calcium balance in your blood. Not good girls or boys.

The best drink is water. The next best is to make your own slightly sweet sodas from grapefruit juice or 100% pomegranate juice, a drop of agave nectar and pure mineral water such as pellegrino or perrier. Plain old seltzer water works too. Club soda has all sorts of funky preservatives in it – so stay away.

Keep your blood sugar constant by avoiding white, refined foods including pasta. Instead enjoy whole grains – like quinoa. lots of dark leafy green vegetables and high quality lean protein, low sugar fruits like apples and berries.

When you eat fresh garden vegetables – you’ll taste the difference. For more info check out my website and sign up for my newsletter.

good to meet all of you.

best,

meredith sobel

sobel wellness

www.sobelwellness.com

Ice Cream…the new opium of the masses?

Well, ice cream has been around for a long time and it has been considered the classic American (and international) treat. Apparently it can be traced  back to at least the 4th century B.C. Early references include the Roman emperor Nero (A.D. 37-68) who ordered ice to be brought from the mountains and combined with fruit toppings, and King Tang (A.D. 618-97) of Shang, China who had a method of creating ice and milk concoctions. Ice cream was likely brought from China back to Europe. Today you could get it free in any Ben and Jerry’s in New York (quite possibly nationwide).

I happen to live two blocks from Ben and Jerry’s. I left for meetings this morning about 9am. The lines were already wrapped around the block. 9am!!! On a day in New York where the high was about 52 degrees. It wasn’t 52 this morning. When I returned home around 10:30pm (yes, that says something about my schedule, now doesn’t it!), there were still people lined up around the block. I took a short respite at home earlier today around 4:30 to do some meetings from home and everywhere I looked there were people with ice cream cones. Thin people, larger people, short people, tall people, children and really old people.  The common thread between them: They were all eating ice cream. Free ice cream. In a one scoop cone. Not too much, right?

Well, one person I saw had two cones. Another person had three. Some people had gone more than once and sent other people to get them cones. There was a free market economy and what I think was also a black market created here on a semi wintry day on the Upper East Side.

Promoting free ice cream in times of economic distress is really not the way to go. We have record unemployment. We have people stressed out beyond their wits and what are we doing…eating ice cream. What’s the first ingredient in good old very “natural” Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream? Well that would be: Cream, followed by Liquid Sugar, Skim Milk, Water, Cocoa (Processed With Alkali), Egg Yolks, Guar Gum And Carrageenan.  Let’s take a brief look at this last ingredient. Carrageenan. I’ve seen it in ingredient lists before and I thought it was some sort of  never heard of it before writing this, but it has caused colonic ulcerations and gastrointestinal neoplasms (possible cancer). Results of a study published in October 2001 suggest that carrageenan may not be as safe as once thought. Findings from animal studies and a review of the scientific literature showed that degraded forms of carrageenan can cause ulcerations and cancers of the gastrointestinal tract.

The researcher who made the connection between carrageenan and cancer, Joanne Tobacman, an assistant professor of clinical internal medicine at the University of Iowa College of Medicine, noted that as long ago as 1972 the FDA determined that there was enough evidence from animal studies to limit the type of carrageenan that could be used in foods. However, in 1979, the FDA rescinded its proposed limitation and since then, no action has been taken.

Wow!!!! so we have known since 1972 that this is a carcinogen and yet its still in ice cream! And ice cream that’s considered natural. What’s the deal here?

So not only is ice cream pretty heavily laden with fat and calories and compared to my favorite brand of choice Breyers that has 8 grams of fat and 15 grams of sugar, but also Ben and Jerry’s comes in at twice that with 15 grams of fat (11 of them saturated) adn 22 grams of sugar per 1/2 cup serving…and let’s face it, who when faced with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s has not eaten that whole pint in one sitting or at least shared it with just one other person…that’s 30 grams of fat right there. I can guarantee that even one “scoop” cone is acutally more than 1/2 cup too.

So, what is the point of this post and what is the purpose of this diatribe, well its three fold:

1) Free Ice Cream during troubled economic times may make people feel temporarily better, but is a band aid on an already troubled relationship Americans have with overeating in times of stress

2) Free Ice Cream is not a good idea at a time when 80% of our young children are obese

3) As much as Ben and Jerry’s want to portray a good image, their ice cream still has nearly double the fat of other brands, a tremendous amount of sugar (natural or otherwise) and some not so natural additives such as carrageenan. Frozen yogurt flavors – supposedly healthier, actually have partially hydrogenated trans fats, corn syrup and all the other very unnatural ingredients that really put the whole “natural” thing in question.

A very cute virtual tour on the ben and jerry website showed how the cream went from cow to dish but there were a few processes in there that seemed less than natural. The ice cream itself still gets homogenized. The fat globules are forced to become so small and agitated they oxidize and the cholesterol becomes more sticky. This is the essence of food processing and hate to say it, but ice cream is very much a processed food, even if the starting ingredients were natural. The chocolate is processed with alkali. “Natural” flavorings are added, in vats, that looked particularly gross to me. The best part of the tour was however the “taster” who quality controls by eating huge amounts of ice cream per day. Is this an occupational hazard. Do they have to pay overtime for this? I wonder…what the utilization of cardiologists and lipitor is among these workers.

As we are in an obesity crisis in this nation and not so slowly anymore, the world, I implore you oh Ben and Jerry, charge for your ice cream! Charge a lot! Maybe in this economy, people will choose with their wallets and choose an apple for 35 cents on the street corner in New York over a $4.25 scoop of ice cream any other day but April 21.

Sobel Wellness featured in world bride magazine

Read about some winter motivations and see some great recipes in world bride magazine. Read more about it here:

http://www.worldbridemagazine.com/health_and_welness/Health.htm

Some great inspirational stories, recipes and good stuff await.

Corporate speaking – healthy and productive workers contribute to a healthy bottom line

I am a corporate wellness speaker. I lecture to groups large and small on topics such as stress management through food, the best snacks for 3pm and ten minute takeout alternatives you can make at home. I am looking for corporate wellness speaking opportunities.  However, its not always so easy to identify these opportunities. Its not like there is a website with a list of people out there who book outside speakers. It is often an insider process to discover these people. So I figured why not throw out into the universe of cyberspace my desire and see what comes back to me.

If anyone reading this is or know someone who books speakers, please contact me. I speak on a variety of topics. I can  how the foods we eat can relieve or exacerbate stress, the best snacks for 3pm and 10 minute after work meals. In addition I hold workshops on an ongoing basis.

In just one session, several attendees from previous sessions have told me they felt lighter and more equipped to handle worktime stress and implemented just a few steps from my workshop such as deep breathing or making green smoothies and they actually lost those stubborn five pounds that nutrisystem, weight watchers and many other diet programs had not enabled them to do. My programs are based on the concept of motivational wellness. You actually want to be healthier when you have a coach who holds you accountable. That is the essence of my presentation style and what I provide to my clients on an ongoing basis. I hold your hand, but I also whip you into shape and the best part is, you don’t even realize it.

One of my male clients recently wrote on his outgoing evaluation that he felt working with me was completely natural. He made changes in his diet that he didn’t even realize he was doing and addressed issues in his personal life and blocks he hadn’t realized he had set before himself. He discovered his true potential and what he truly wanted out of his career and started looking for a new job in software development instead of his current position selling life insurance. He knew that he was completely happy in a job in software development several years back and that his weight gain and feeling of lost self control was 100% related to him not being happy in his career. It took nearly 11 sessions to get to this point. We had fixed the diet but not gotten to the root cause -but eventually we did and he was all the more happier for it. Nothing made me feel better as a coach than to hear him say this and announce it at a meeting of our peers.

So, the bottom line is healthy employees affect a healthy bottom line. In times where we are cutting budgets and no one feels they have any money to spend on wellness – this is actually the most important time to make these investments. The health and emotional well being of your staff is probably your most important asset. Not investing in your staff and the preventative measures they can take to keep themselves healthy can affect your bottom line in raised health care premiums due to higher use of prescription drugs to control lifestyle diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Investing in wellness programs can reduce these issues and dependency on these drugs if people are properly motivated to take care of themselves. I can provide that motivation.

Visit my website today www.sobelwellness.com to learn more and to book me for your upcoming wellness needs.

quinoa and lentils

I love Indian Dal. I don’t have patience to make it. I want to share a recipe I made up last night which is my variation on Dal complete with greens to even out the meal:

1 cup (1/3 cup red, 1/3 cup green and 1/3 cup french) lentils (soaked 12 hours will reduce gas factor)

3/4 cup of Quinoa (not neccesary to soak)

2-3 handfuls mesculun salad greens or dark leafy greens of choice (braising greens best) in bite size pieces

1/3 cup of chicken or vegetable broth

2 cap fulls of yellow curry powder (roughly two tablespoons)

a few shakes of garam masala

1/2 inch slice of butter (omit if  not consuming dairy)

1/4 teaspoon of sesame oil

Boil 2.5 cups of water. when boiling add lentils and cook 15 min on medium. Add quinoa and cook 10 minutes more until quinoa puffs up. In last 2 minutes of quinoa cooking add curry powder, greens and chicken broth. Stir a few times to incorporate flavors. Cover pot and let steam cook greens. After 2 minutes, stir again, add butter and/or sesame oil, remaining spices, salt and pepper to your taste and melt in butter. Simmer on low until all liquid absorbed or moist. Add more broth if starting to dry out.  Serve immediately with lemon and chopped parsley or cilantro.

makes 2-3 servings

Emotional Junk Food

I just returned from a glorious few days at a conference in Miami.  While I was there I encountered many deep spiritual people at the conference and had some really wonderful conversations. One of them was on the topic of love and relationships…one of my favorite topics. In the conversation I had with one of my wonderful platonic male friends we discussed the concept of casual sex and what we both collectively termed “emotional” junk food.

So often with my female clients (and myself who am I kidding) I find that we make choices based on our emotions. What to eat, what to wear, where to go, what to drink, who to see, who to sleep with. Yes, its not this black and white, but there is this concept of I feel like eating this or I do this because I feel blue. Often times I know when I am stressed out a bowl of popcorn in coconut oil is great, but three yummy chocolate chip cookies are better. I love my kale and quinoa, I really do, but faced with a break up or a bad date – red wine and chocolate are going to win out and when I am about to get my period – forget it…the chocolate is definitely going to factor into the equation.

At the end of the day however, I love and respect myself.  I always remember that with every action I perform at the core of my being is self respect. I eat, but I know that I am going to have to face myself in the morning. I am going to have to face myself every step of the way and answer – do I love myself when I make this choice to eat chocolate cake because it tastes good?  Don’t I deserve first to be healthy? Don’t I deserve a lifetime without back pain and suffering from asthma because of my weight? Don’t I want to be able to climb the six flights of stairs to visit my friend on the East Side without huffing and puffing?  Don’t I want to be able to row for two hours tomorrow morning? Yes, I want to do all of these things…but sometimes I want chocolate cake too, but I need to really think about it consciously and consider whether I want the junk food for an emotional reason or not.

But what really is this concept of emotional junk food? People are often our emotional junk food. As often as we make choices out of a lack of self respect and self esteem, we choose to be in inappropriate relationships for the same reason. Sometimes they can be draining friendships. Sometimes this can take form in romantic relationships. I have a major crush about every few weeks. I don’t even know the man, but I crush anyway. I think I just love the idea of being in love.  Something about the way he smells or smiles or a quality I think represents goodness in him. I, like most women, love to try to fix a man or save him. We love the dark brooding types. The types who never really let us get to know them. Just last night I was chatting with one of my crushes and it turns out that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Ladies (and men!) – how many times do we hear these words and yet we continue to pursue these amorphous friendships where we have unrequited feelings. Emily Dickinson became a very famous poet due to emotional junk food – but where did it lead her? Nowhere good.

I implore you all to examine your emotional junk food. How does it reflect on your self respect? In my line of work, I’m very cognizant of what people say. I listen with my ears, but also my eyes and my heart. Sometimes, we so want to hear things that simply aren’t there. When a man says, he does not want a relationship, listen to him, don’t just hear him. If its possible to be his friend, do so. If not, trust your heart and let him know. I know in my communication I have power. I am not afraid to be direct. Often this reduces the amount of emotional junk food I allow in my life.  It also reduces the amount of emotional junk food that will enter my life.

Health is a state of being. Emotional and physical health are inextricably intertwined. I wonder how many Doctors are affected by bad marriages. In a recent seminar I completed in early March, I knew a doctor who was estranged from his wife and son, who suffered from Autism. I grew very close to this man and always wondered what it must have been like for him, what it is like for any parent who has a child that does not meet their definition of perfect. Nothing in life is perfect and we cannot beat ourselves up or feel that we are failures if our children are less than perfect. We need to look deep within ourselves and love our children as well as ourselves. We need to bring love into every choice we make.

I once said at a BNI meeting – who doesn’t want a better love life. People laughed at me and thought me to be silly. How could I mention love at a business meeting. But love is an essential component of my business and of life. Without it, love and passion who are we. Nothing really.  Aristotle once said, “All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion and desire.” Regardless what our actions are, business or otherwise, we will be driven by some cause. We are human after all. Leave logic for Dr. Spock. I’m a huge fan of passion.  We feel. However, in feeling, we need to make sure what we feel comes from a place of respecting ourselves. We want to radiate self respect and self love. In doing so, we attract love and respect from others in our business dealings and in our friendships, familial and romantic relationships.

why I became a chef…

this is a transcript of an interview on why I became a chef. I thought I would share it with you…

Describe your background/history:
New York born and bred. I love the flavors, history and variety of food and the melting pot that is New York City. My grandparents are from Brooklyn and Manhattan’s lower east side and I hail from the Upper West.

What inspired you to become a chef?:
I’ve been cooking for as long as I can remember. I probably first learned from my great Aunt who owned a luncheonette in Brooklyn in the 1950s. I always wish I was alive back then and could have experienced what life was like during that tumultuous time. I spent years learning the finer points of seasonal cooking using local ingredients and lately health and taste equally rule my food offerings

What do you consider the best aspect about cooking/being a chef?:
Bold flavors, variety, using what grows in my local area. Changing items to provide the most local/seasonal food and the freshest available. As a health conscious chef, I don’t think about calories but where did the food come from – but is it made of? I want to know that the energy in my food is good and that the food is the highest quality. My body is a ferrari and I am only going to put the highest quality fuel in it. That doesn’t mean the most expensive…but it certainly means the freshest and what is grown or produced within 100 miles

Describe your specialty dish or style of cooking:
Being a New Yorker, I can’t help being inspired by a multitude of ethnic flavors and spices. I love Asian and Mexican/South American flavors especially those of Thailand and Argentina/Brazil. But I am at home in a community garden or a local farmers market and excited by the vegetables, fruits and meats in season. I tend to want to cook a quick pan roasted or quickly grilled, oven finished duck, venison and pork in the winter with earthy roots and greens and more summery salads, seafoods, crab etc, in the summer ceviche style.

Describe your work style, your colleagues working with you?
I am a natural leader. But I love to inspire others and learn from others. I can take leadership or team roles. I’m a rower and there’s nothing more team oriented than that sport.

Describe your greatest accomplishment:
Every day is an accomplishment. I left the golden shackles of corporate consulting and financial risk management to found a wellness business and start a personal chef business. It was pretty gutsy and the best move I ever made. I’ve never been happier though the income potential is a bit of a longer horizon.

What is something that we wouldn’t know about you?:
my age. Everyone thinks I’m about 10 years younger than I actually am.

Describe Why you’d be good for this show:
I’m the unique blend of highly intelligent, accomplished in the corporate world and also my own cooking business, creative and beautiful. Its a great package and testament to how passion, love and dedication pay off.

interesting new restaurant – fat hippo and my green meal service

So, one of my favorite health newsletters did a piece on a new restaurant in the home of one of my former favorite New York Restaurants. The restaurant is called Fat Hippo and it is situated in the east village at 71 Clinton Street, where 71 Clinton Fresh Food used to live. That restaurant has long gone out of business. Wylie Dufresne opened another place down the street WD-50 where I dragged my family for my 30th birthday – but they all hated it (I liked it – but some of the food was too out there even for me). I’ve not spent much time in the east village as of late, so I can’t say much about the new WD place, nor do I know if its still open, but when I saw the review for Fat Hippo I needed to make some comments.

Here is their website: http://nymag.com/daily/food/2009/02/a_first_look_at_the_fat_hippo.html

I just took a brief look at their website and although the burger fondue and pan fried cheese balls made me revolt, I was surprised to see a few healthy options as well like free range turkey meatloaf and a grapefruit salad. Hooray for restaurants even as decadent as Fat Hippo taking a step in the right direction.

I’ll miss 71 clinton as it reminds me of a different time when the east village had so much more unchartered exotic territory. Now it is any other yuppified cappuchino bar on every block losing some of its heyday character. There’s still a bit of anarchy left in the east village – but not enough to keep vox populis, my favorite anacharist cafe on the bowery, open. Vox had to close its doors in February and move to Brooklyn. This happened around the same time as I closed my cafe.

But rest assured – Luscious Green Home delivery and personal chef services are very much alive here in Manhattan. I operate out of the Upper West Side and can prepare health oriented, local, seasonal and sustainable cuisine and deliver to your door or cut down on delivery charges and carbon footprint by preparing the meals in your kitchen.

For more information, visit the website: www.sobelwellness.com/meal-delivery.html

100 mile diet

So I have been inspired by Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal Vegetable Miracle to only eat foods in my local environment. I have some frozen raspberries in my freezer – which I bought myself when they were in season and I cave every so often because my clients crave green. I try to stick to only what grows in the Northeast at this time of year – which these days is a lot of kale.

I’ve been shopping every Friday or Saturday at the union square greenmarket. I’ve been considering joining either urban organics or from farm to table to get things delivered so I don’t have to schlep – but so far – I’m a bit picky and I’m not sure if its a better value yet. Perhaps soon I will join.

I’ve been doing so much with root vegetables lately. Inspired by a meal I had last week at the Union Square Cafe: Earth and Turf – braised short ribs, roots and greens. It was a great plate. I’ve been eating things like it ever since. Everyone always wonders and asks me – are you a vegetarian? Well, I answer – I am in a normal restaurant, but if I know where the meat comes from – I definitely eat meat. I usually buy my meat from a local supplier through my CSA, Weston A. Price Foundation or at the market. There’s a new meat guy at Morningside Park on Saturdays – I keep meaning to try him out. I’m addicted to union square – I’m sure Morningside is cheaper – I should really check it out. I’ve heard great things about the Inwood market – but somehow I haven’t quite been able to haul ass up there. I’m waiting for spring and getting back on my bike.

But mostly I’ve been eating a lot of meat: lamb, venison, goat, pastured chicken (I never knew I could love chicken so much), turkey (same, until you’ve had a pastured turkey you haven’t lived…no dryness here!). There are some other interesting looking cuts – but I’ve stayed away. I tried Buffalo and did not like it. Too tough. Tried marinating it, even for two days and could not tenderize it. Oh well, I guess I still have a lot to learn about marinating or there are some cuts that just can’t be tenderized to the texture I like, but I don’t like sirloin either, so I’m just me with my own unique tastes and preferences. No disrespect to the Buffalo ranchers!

I’m waiting for that asparagus, god am I waiting. And the raspberries! But until then, I’ve been doing a lot with salsify, purple, yellow and orange carrots, and fresh eggs with all different colors – I’m amazed to learn that the only reason that white eggs are cheaper is that people think they are less healthy than brown ones.  In fact the truth is, different breeds of chickens lay different colored eggs.  Sometimes, I do wonder why grocery store eggs look so white and they don’t have any specs of any color in them, and if perhaps something happens to those eggs like bleaching – but I won’t turn down white eggs from the market. Some of the farmers actually bring chickens with them. That was  a bit unnerving, especially since they were also in a cage – so much for free range chicken!  I just keep trying different ones. I had eggs that were $7 a dozen. They were delicious and worth every penny – came from an Araucana chicken. Splendid.

Today, I broke down and got some chocolate from Ecuador. I don’t know quite where chocolate can grow in New York State…or coffee for that matter and I’m not sure if I am going to give up either of those any time soon. Its odd, I was off coffee for about 3 years and I just started drinking it again. I’m not sure why – I’ve become more of a morning person lately – till it snowed in New York today…but I was still up at 6:30 and I’ll be up tomorrow at that time too. There’s just something wonderful about getting up that early – but the smell of coffee and the taste – I just have one cup is just something I associate with those early mornings. Also, the caffiene tends to help focus me with my ADD. I’m taking some B12 in Ola Loa as well. We’ll see if I can wean off coffee and go back to just vitamins in a few weeks. I’m sure Ola Loa’s ingredients aren’t quite local either…but I am trying. 90% local, how’s that? Life is all about the 90:10 rule, isn’t it?

love and other deep thoughts

On my super fantastic run today in central park in a glorious 57 degrees I got to thinking about love. Being that I am hosting an event on Sunday about the relationship between love and food, I wanted to express a few things about my views on love. I am a hopeless romantic. I fall in love all the time, with people, with ideas. I hurt easily. I get heartbroken over people, ideas, things not working out. I mourn and I get right back out there.

Emotion is a wonderful thing and I have to say to most people who know me, they might not see me as ever showing it. So here to the world, online, I will. Shocking. Well, I have them and they run deep.

Love to me occurs when I put another person’s happiness above my own.  There is this ability that no matter how busy I am, I always make time for the person.  There’s always a point in the day to say, I wonder what that person is doing, thinking, feeling and how they are. Are they happy, sad etc. I find time to call. Technology is great, but let’s face it – there’s nothing quite like human connection and the sound of someone’s voice even if its for 30 seconds.  I remember a while back in a relationship I was in that my partner liked to go to this cheap Mexican bar for chicken wings. I hated the place. Being into healthy food and living, the thought of going to a bar whose main service was beer and wings that it was an abysmal place. Just being seen there could hurt my credibility and there really was nothing to eat. But, it was two blocks from my apartment and their kitchen was open until midnight.  So we ate there a lot. I could not understand how my partner loved these chicken wings so much and how happy it made him to eat there. I experimented with the menu until I could get them to make something that I would eat – rice, black beans, salad and sauteed vegetables. Once they got it and I invented my version of macrobiotic plate, they made it for me all the time and knew by looking at me that it was what I wanted since we ate there all the time. Was I happy eating there, no. Would I have ever gone there on my own? Definitely not. Did I do it because I loved my partner, yes. Did I act like I was happy because I knew how he was, no. I didn’t have to act, I just was happy. I had respect and compassion for the things that made him happy.

Granted there were many things in this relationship where I did things to make my partner happy and he did a few things to make me happy that he claimed he never would have done if not for me. I thank him for that.  He changed me in a positive way, motivating me to choose my career path in health and wellness and I have no idea how or why but motivated me to complete my first triathlon. Despite the fact that there were times we just didn’t mix, perhaps because we were both too passionate and too alike.  There are so many reasons relationships are successful and not successful and at the end of the day, but we can’t overanalyze the reasons things don’t work out, but rather remember, learn and move on.  As a couple we didn’t make it, but there’s always positivity from connections we make with people and I am happy for everything I have learned and experienced and ready for a new relationship. One that is full of love, joy, sharing, happiness and of course disappointments, sadness, emotion and pain. Let’s just hope that the love, joy and sharing outweigh the other stuff.

It is easy to get jaded to the fact that love doesn’t exist. But I know it does. I know it does because I feel it. I feel it in the connections I make with people, one in particular I made yesterday, with a woman who I might do some very important work with.  I’m a very logical person and I can reason away anything. Its very easy to put reason above emotion and push people out.  However, I know deep inside that I don’t want to do that.

There’s something magical about love. There’s something even more magical about love that is requited. So many people are in love with the idea of being in love, but you can’t force a person to be in love with you or love you back quite in the way you love them. Sometimes, that happens, that we love so much and we get disappointed because the person does not return our love and then we try to hurt them or worse make them pay for things by cheating on them or withholding things from them or demanding things like jewelry and expensive meals out. We think this – it will prove his love if he buys me something nice. He didn’t buy me anything for x day (birthday, valentine’s day, anniversary) so therefore he doesn’t love me. Its not true. Love cannot be measured in material goods. This is not to say that I don’t appreciate jewelry or nice dinners out – but love is something that is a connection between two people and it is not restricted to romantic love between two sexual partners.

I love my friends and my family. I can fall in love with women, but not in the same way as men. This doesn’t make me gay, but I have a deep respect for women, certain kinds of women. Attraction is an incredibly powerful thing.  It is what makes things light up in the world. There is truth in the “he lights up when she walks in the room” phenomenon. Just as we light up by certain people, we too can be drained emotionally and physically by negativity.

This is not to say there is no room for sadness in the world. But we all have our right to be sad, to need support, to mourn for lost love. My father died when I was 13. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him and feel some sadness over something that I can’t tell him or share with him, something I can’t get his perspective on. We look to people often for their perspective.

So, anyway, its probably because I finally got to go running and get deep into thought – something I love about running, its very meditative for me. I wish you all love. I implore you to look at the relationship with your parents. See through the nagging and complaining and remember this is the person or people who gave you life and one day they might be there and you WILL miss them. Show love to your siblings and your siblings in law even if they don’t show it back to you.  This is incredibly important. We grow to be transformed as humans in our way to show compassion and respect to people. There are a lot of people in this world I don’t like and very few I do like, but I try to see that there is something in a person – that they are a human being with loves, desires, hopes, wants and dreams – even if they are an antisocial axe murderer (well, maybe not) that I need to respect. Perhaps I don’t understand people who do drugs or have affairs or leave their children. I can’t judge their acts. I don’t necessarily need to have them in my close circle of friends, but I can respect their choices and not attempt to force my opinions on them.

There are so many moral arguments and as society we constantly want people to see things they way we do and be right. But we don’t have to. I started writing a novel 10 years ago about Israel. I modeled my main character after a woman I met in college whose family moved from Scranton, PA to Jerusalem when she was 14.  The novel became fiction after that, with many characters representing figments and pieces of people I met, people I dreamed, people I never met and wanted to and strangely, a character I wrote and then met a very close incarnation of. Life is funny that way. If the novel ever gets published, I’ll leave the recognition of the characters to the people in my life and those who have left it. You may recognize yourselves and you may not. They are just figments and pieces.

Anyway, the book is about love, my character experienced a lifetime of loss and a crisis of identity – but still like I in her many years of evolution finds love, loses love and finds it again remaining hopeful as do I that love is out there and love is multidimensional. In the middle of the story of the character I set a very subtle understory of two men who meet at Harvard (shocking I know). I hope the reader will see the men are the future leaders of some sort of one state solution that joins Jews, Arabs and other ethinc groups together in love and harmony. At the end of the day in a very silly movie with Adam Sandler this was proven. What are we fighting for. Can’t we all just get along.

Perhaps you see me as idealistic or a hopeless romantic, but if you’ve read this far, I think you see that there is some magic about bringing more love into your life and that you see as humans why we are really here. Success, money, accomplishment – these are great things, and as a driven entrepreneur I don’t think we should ever stop pursuing our dreams, but we need to make a little room for people, for love and of course, for ourselves.