I just returned from a glorious few days at a conference in Miami. While I was there I encountered many deep spiritual people at the conference and had some really wonderful conversations. One of them was on the topic of love and relationships…one of my favorite topics. In the conversation I had with one of my wonderful platonic male friends we discussed the concept of casual sex and what we both collectively termed “emotional” junk food.
So often with my female clients (and myself who am I kidding) I find that we make choices based on our emotions. What to eat, what to wear, where to go, what to drink, who to see, who to sleep with. Yes, its not this black and white, but there is this concept of I feel like eating this or I do this because I feel blue. Often times I know when I am stressed out a bowl of popcorn in coconut oil is great, but three yummy chocolate chip cookies are better. I love my kale and quinoa, I really do, but faced with a break up or a bad date – red wine and chocolate are going to win out and when I am about to get my period – forget it…the chocolate is definitely going to factor into the equation.
At the end of the day however, I love and respect myself. I always remember that with every action I perform at the core of my being is self respect. I eat, but I know that I am going to have to face myself in the morning. I am going to have to face myself every step of the way and answer – do I love myself when I make this choice to eat chocolate cake because it tastes good? Don’t I deserve first to be healthy? Don’t I deserve a lifetime without back pain and suffering from asthma because of my weight? Don’t I want to be able to climb the six flights of stairs to visit my friend on the East Side without huffing and puffing? Don’t I want to be able to row for two hours tomorrow morning? Yes, I want to do all of these things…but sometimes I want chocolate cake too, but I need to really think about it consciously and consider whether I want the junk food for an emotional reason or not.
But what really is this concept of emotional junk food? People are often our emotional junk food. As often as we make choices out of a lack of self respect and self esteem, we choose to be in inappropriate relationships for the same reason. Sometimes they can be draining friendships. Sometimes this can take form in romantic relationships. I have a major crush about every few weeks. I don’t even know the man, but I crush anyway. I think I just love the idea of being in love. Something about the way he smells or smiles or a quality I think represents goodness in him. I, like most women, love to try to fix a man or save him. We love the dark brooding types. The types who never really let us get to know them. Just last night I was chatting with one of my crushes and it turns out that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Ladies (and men!) – how many times do we hear these words and yet we continue to pursue these amorphous friendships where we have unrequited feelings. Emily Dickinson became a very famous poet due to emotional junk food – but where did it lead her? Nowhere good.
I implore you all to examine your emotional junk food. How does it reflect on your self respect? In my line of work, I’m very cognizant of what people say. I listen with my ears, but also my eyes and my heart. Sometimes, we so want to hear things that simply aren’t there. When a man says, he does not want a relationship, listen to him, don’t just hear him. If its possible to be his friend, do so. If not, trust your heart and let him know. I know in my communication I have power. I am not afraid to be direct. Often this reduces the amount of emotional junk food I allow in my life. It also reduces the amount of emotional junk food that will enter my life.
Health is a state of being. Emotional and physical health are inextricably intertwined. I wonder how many Doctors are affected by bad marriages. In a recent seminar I completed in early March, I knew a doctor who was estranged from his wife and son, who suffered from Autism. I grew very close to this man and always wondered what it must have been like for him, what it is like for any parent who has a child that does not meet their definition of perfect. Nothing in life is perfect and we cannot beat ourselves up or feel that we are failures if our children are less than perfect. We need to look deep within ourselves and love our children as well as ourselves. We need to bring love into every choice we make.
I once said at a BNI meeting – who doesn’t want a better love life. People laughed at me and thought me to be silly. How could I mention love at a business meeting. But love is an essential component of my business and of life. Without it, love and passion who are we. Nothing really. Aristotle once said, “All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion and desire.” Regardless what our actions are, business or otherwise, we will be driven by some cause. We are human after all. Leave logic for Dr. Spock. I’m a huge fan of passion. We feel. However, in feeling, we need to make sure what we feel comes from a place of respecting ourselves. We want to radiate self respect and self love. In doing so, we attract love and respect from others in our business dealings and in our friendships, familial and romantic relationships.
And you just thought oysters were an aphrodisiac, try a berry. Ladies, you will feel more in the mood as well.
